Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The aftershocks and then some

Two weeks ago, I hit rock bottom.

Last week, I was in a state of bliss.

Two weeks later, I back down again.

It's the aftermaths of the storm.

Sometimes, it's hard to really tell people what happened. It's really hard to start up a conversation asking, "Hi I've been really sad due to a, b, and c. Can I have an extension on my paper?"

Other times, random people have seen me at my worse and have no idea why I'm like this. They assume it's a boyfriend or family problem. No, it's a perfectionist problem, I've realized.

I thought I could escape. Get away from the problems. I faced them. But more came. The aftershocks of the problem keep on coming. We are only halfway through the week and more failures keep on piling on my shoulders.

I am really thankful for the people who have helped me through this. Thanks.

And the problem originated by me helping someone. Her depression emanated on me. On my life. It took an immense toll on the work I've been doing in school and in my daily life. Then other failures came that week. Spring Break. Things were perfect. Came back to school and wham. More things hit me like a ton of bricks, and some knives too.

Now, the future of my summer is nebulous. I told the world one thing, but it turns out, it's not going to happen. How embarrassing. I should of waited. But back then, I was so happy, I just couldn't wait. At this very moment, I just want to hide my face. Create a new identity. Go somewhere else, create a new life. But, it's not that easy.



Today I put my contacts on so when people ask me why my eyes are so red, I can just tell them that my contacts are bothering me.