Ever so slowly, just keep breathing

I actually enjoy solitude. I need to find a place in Bethlehem where I could just walk somewhere, a sort of sanctuary where I could go and just write. It does not have to be scenic, though, it is preferable. New York City was just a perfect place because I could walk just about everywhere and just plop myself down and write.

I'll find that spot, it may take me until the end of the semester, but eh, I'll do whatever it takes. Though, I have to admit, I probably won't be here at the end of my sophomore year. I might transfer. There is actually a good chance of it. No, a great chance of it. I'm not sure exactly where I want to go to, I really love William and Mary as well as Georgetown. Though, I am not so sure of my chances of getting accepted there in the first place.

I try so flipping hard in everything I do. I am the embodiment of a hard-worker, determined like a fierce hunter, and a perfectionist. Yet, with all that hard work, no amazing things are happening. Some have, but with all the work I am doing, others are receiving the awards, with little or no credentials.

I'm not sure how to function anymore. Everything that I did is going to waste and I'm not sure where to start back up again.

~~~

All I want to do is sleep. But I know I can't. It sort of reminds me of Ingrid Michaelson's song, "Keep Breathing." She sings,

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.

The lyrics need to be reversed, well, considering my situation. I want to change the world. I want to be that person that makes an impact. Yet, I am being pushed aside and offered as an alternate. I have ideas and I'm approachable, god damn it. I have so much to offer. You just don't know it yet.


I guess my lyrics should be,

I want to sleep... instead I want to change the world. But I can't because no one will let me. Well, I just gotta let myself then. Bitches.

^^I guess the song is now a hybrid of rap and classical.



I guess all we gotta do, if all else fails, is to just keep breathing.