I knew it was a bad idea calling my mom and asking her for a ride. It wasn't my idea - I had a feeling something bad was going to erupt from it. But I was, well, forced to. He even checked the redial button to see if I actually called. Talk about anal and really not wanting me to be in his presence. Oh well. It's not like I cared.
Today, well technically yesterday was such a bad day. It was so mediocre with some fun parts (aka Film Studies) and shit (the rest of the day.) Sometimes, I feel as if the people surrounding me aren't supportive of the things I do. I try to live my life to the fullest and have fun doing it, but they tell me to chill out and whatever. Even BH is saying this to me. Honestly, if he doesn't like it, then he shouldn't be dating me then. I'm the queen of randomness and spontaneity. Deal with it or leave.
And I've noticed something about him: Sometimes, it's hard to decipher whether or not you're trying. You'll just look like me after I got hurt and then come to me minutes later. You know that you're the person I want to make laugh the most - but either you have some stick up your ass or you honestly don't think I'm funny. That kind of depresses me because with you, I have to literally try to make you laugh. I'm kind of giving up because apparently I'm not that funny enough in your eyes. And also, I feel as if I'm the ONLY one initiating a conversation. Maybe I'm just too talkative or random for you, but when I don't talk - you don't say anything. You just watch as the passive natures pass you by with utter gloom.
^^You know who you are.
In band today, I felt as if I didn't belong. Now, our director is assigning the percussionists parts to play. Which is ridiculous because this hasn't happened until now. I'm getting the really shitty, bitch parts. (Like the triangle tremolo in the beginning of this one song and that's it. That part's ended.) I feel inferior to that because I know I'm better then swish a metal stick back and fourth into a larger piece of metal - a triangle. There are people, who don't even care about band and play... two instruments!
Maybe our director is doing this because he wants the people who don't care actually have their place in the band, but still. BH plays two instruments... and no offense to him, but all he chooses is cymbal parts. At least give me something to do instead chill at the ventilator and really sit my lazy ass down for 42 minutes.
In other news, my mom is in this contest on this website called startupnation.com and it deals with leading moms in business. You can vote for your favorites and whatever. My mom is there and I don't think she deserves the title of leading mom in business 2009 blah blah blah. Because 1.) She's not really a mom. She thinks parenting is more of a nettling job. She never has time to see her kids in their concerts, etc. The job comes first. I've see it first hand many, many times. 2.) Behind the scenes at her salon, she's crazy as hell. She always has something bad to say and gets so frenetic when something goes wrong. The only people that see it, however is my sister and I. Never clients or her employees. It's like she has this mask that she only wears during business hours to hide her true emotions towards something. It's a really bothersome thing, but I guess it happens.
Plus, she has found ways to get more votes. (You could only vote once a day... but she found something to overcome that!) Another reason why I don't think it's right for her to even be in the top 200.
Now, I feel this sort of emptiness enveloping me. I don't know why I have this feeling now - it just popped up out of blue. It kind of confuses me and I wish it'll go away. I also have this pain in my chest every time I think about BH. What does this mean? Is my heart telling me something? Why do people make life hard? Love was fine for us before. Now it's just a roller coaster of emotions. Is it the more serious the relationship - the harder it gets? Is this what it means? Why do I have doubt? Why are all these questions circumferencing my brain?!?!
It's some puzzle I have to try to deduce.
Oh summer please come.
Where did my friends go? Was it true on what he said? Or were they just really facets of my imagination; a pure and simplified illusion?
I think I know.
