Have you ever been forced to stand face to face with someone that you really miss but you know that person hates you? And you both had the worst conversation the previous night and you just have to stand there, raw, cut open with multiple razors for everyone and their grandma to see. Oh and this whole standing face to face shenanigans was all recorded on TV. Such a marvelous cherry on top.
It was just awful. I was upset. You don't understand but I do truly miss you. I miss our talks and everything. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just like talking to you. I am not trying to flirt or anything, I apologize if I sounded like that but I really do care for you. I want you to be happy as possible.
I cried so much because I reminded myself about how my sophomore year was. I don't give a fuck but I am going to make a New Moon reference. Without him, my sophomore year was just odd. It didn't seem complete, like there truly was a missing part of me. A missing set of happiness. Everywhere I go, there were reminders. Reminders of our friendship and all the grandiose things we would haphazardly do. I guess you can say, he was my person.
It hurts me to even think that he doesn't think of me like that. Maybe I was just some "good-looking" nerd that was an eye-candy and nothing more.
Today after Vespers, my family went inside my room. They were surprised that I didn't have a roommate. My mom asked, "Do you ever get lonely?" While I do like the constant privacy, I truly 'am lonely. I feel like I don't get invited anywhere. I feel unwanted like a doll that nobody wants to buy so I'm just thrown out after my sale period ends.
It's hard to move on but I guess this will be my first test. But after all these years, I just can't.
...It is time to exorcise those demons.
It was just awful. I was upset. You don't understand but I do truly miss you. I miss our talks and everything. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just like talking to you. I am not trying to flirt or anything, I apologize if I sounded like that but I really do care for you. I want you to be happy as possible.
I cried so much because I reminded myself about how my sophomore year was. I don't give a fuck but I am going to make a New Moon reference. Without him, my sophomore year was just odd. It didn't seem complete, like there truly was a missing part of me. A missing set of happiness. Everywhere I go, there were reminders. Reminders of our friendship and all the grandiose things we would haphazardly do. I guess you can say, he was my person.
It hurts me to even think that he doesn't think of me like that. Maybe I was just some "good-looking" nerd that was an eye-candy and nothing more.
Today after Vespers, my family went inside my room. They were surprised that I didn't have a roommate. My mom asked, "Do you ever get lonely?" While I do like the constant privacy, I truly 'am lonely. I feel like I don't get invited anywhere. I feel unwanted like a doll that nobody wants to buy so I'm just thrown out after my sale period ends.
It's hard to move on but I guess this will be my first test. But after all these years, I just can't.
...It is time to exorcise those demons.
