This week alone has been a huge roller coaster, in the best and worst ways possible.
Well to start off, my bank account went on an overdraft. I sort of blamed a lot of things and it was not entirely my fault. My family still had to pay me back from tickets I bought for them for my Lehigh concert and Jolesch Photography finally had to charge my account at the worst time. So, drum roll please.. it resulted in an overdraft. I not only had to pay the remaining money that my bank account couldn't offer, but I also had to pay a $44 fine. It was ridiculous. So, I tried calling Jolesch and tried to cancel my order. The pictures weren't so amazing, to be honest and I wanted to return them. It seems as if only one person works at the customer service department there because I tried calling and calling and emailing. But nope. No response.
I went to the bank a couple days later and told them my situation. How I tried calling their customer service and whatnot. So, Wachovia was nice to me and refunded the amount of money the pictures were as well as the overdraft money. Though, I filed this check card dispute. I feel very adult-like considering not many kids my age would file financial disputes. Well, not now, at least. But yeah. At least I got my money back. So that was a huge plus.
Another plus in my life is the fact that I don't have to deal with political science anymore. I took the final on December 11th and I thought I did really well. Though, my grade turned out otherwise. haha But whatever. At least I don't have to deal with him anymore. And on the brighter side, after my final, I received a care package that my mom paid for from the Blue and Grey cafe. It was perhaps the cutest thing ever. There was a card that said, "While you are thinking of finals, someone else is thinking about You." My sister signed it and wrote a cute note. It was really nice considering it was almost like, "You're done with Reynolds. Now here is a package just for you." It was very bittersweet. Plus, there were fruits and random teas and coffees included.
My birthday was also pretty wonderful. So, I decided to schedule work on that day. I know, I know. You're probably thinking "WTF?" But actually, it was great. I've always wanted to work at the desk at the Media Center and I thought working two shifts in two days wouldn't be so bad. The shift started at 8:30 am. I'm not much of a morning person, but it's nice to wake up early and get a head start on my day. Plus, because it was finals week, there wasn't much-needed media necessities around campus, therefore people working at the desk have a lax day as well. I met some other people who worked at the Media Center, a guy name Bruce. He does a lot of advanced technological stuff. Somewhere we had a conversation about me playing the cello and out of blue, Craig says, "Oh yeah I have these tapes on where Yo-Yo Ma conducted a master class at Moravian and that'd be nice if they could be turned into DVDs."
WHAT?! YO-YO MA!! AT MORAVIAN?!?! IN FOY HALL?! THE PLACE WHERE I BASICALLY LIVE?! WHAAAT?!
It was true. So for the majority of the morning of my birthday, I was drinking tea and watching Yo-Yo Ma's master class. It was a great morning.
Then, I went to lunch at Clewell. It was a short okay meal. It wasn't amazing. Though, I had to prepare. I had a women's choir audition. I was pretty damn nervous to tell you the truth. I've noticed that every time I try out for something on my birthday or like the week of my birthday, I normally do not get in. Nerves always get to me. When I'm nervous, I tend to cough a lot. It happens all the time, for every audition or speech, just anything that makes me nervous, you'll catch me coughing out a lung. (Not really, but maybe soon.) My friend Phil told me I'll be fine.
I even vented to one of the normal workers at Clewell. He noticed the tenacious coughing. He gave me this look of wonder and I knew that was my cue to tell him what's up. "I'm nervous for an audition. I always cough when I'm nervous."
"Don't worry," he told me, "You'll pass."
I didn't want to be late to my audition, so while walking up the stairs to Peter Hall, I started singing Happy Birthday to myself and warming up. Little did I know, the audition wasn't even in Peter Hall. It was in Mr. Azzati's office. I was waiting outside Peter Hall for about five minutes. I saw a butt load of Music Education majors walking inside Peter Hall as if nothing really important was happening. I decided to go find Mr. Azzati's office instead. I found his office and I was only a minute late. I apologized and I apologized again for having tea in my hands.
"Oh don't worry about it," he said in his Spanish accent. "I have coke on the window." Mr. Azzati was a man who resembled a lot like a teddy bear. Though, if you upset the teddy bear, things may turn ugly. He was definitely a bear that you needed to please... with your singing talents, of course. I first had to fill out an "application." It was about the singing lessons you've took, your majors, the essential shit, and your previous choral experience. Obviously, the last time I was in a choir, was in the 8th grade. Well, more like the 7th grade because I skipped going to choir in the 8th grade because all I wanted to do was play my cello, but I also realized that a lot of people in choir were a bunch of know-it-alls. I did not want to associate myself with them.
I finished the "application" and I told him the truth about my coughing. "I'm sorry, but I'm just really nervous."
He smiled.
Teddy Bear: Why you're nervous?
Me: Well, I auditioned last time and I did very poorly. I forgot the words and everything. But I feel that I have improved and hopefully it'll show in this audition.
Teddy Bear: How did you improve?
Me: I've been practicing scales with my roommate Jazzy. She's an excellent singer, she's amazing and while practicing, I just realized that I missed singing.
He made me sing a bunch of scales. I was pleased about my tone. I was surprised about my range. I could hit those high notes, like I did back when I auditioned for the Saint Patrick's Cathedral Children's choir. I got in, but I couldn't afford it. Not to mention, commuting from Stroudsburg to New York every week would be a pain in my mom's ass, especially on a school night. Mr. Azzati mentioned to me, "You never shy away from those high notes!" I smiled.
Later, we focused on an exercise to see how low I can sing. Surprisingly, my voice did not crack at all and my voice was fine. After the exercise, he put his hands up and told me, "Wow you have an excellent rage." Admitablly, I said sorry. I didn't know why I said sorry, but with a clash of nerves and anxiousness, I tend to muddle "Sorry" a lot.
I mentioned to him that I wasn't sure on my singing part, whether I am a soprano or an alto. He said... I was a soprano. I told him I sang alto back in the day. And I was never able to give anyone an answer on what I can do. He was telling me how a viola can sometimes play the same pitch as a violin, as a cello can do the same for a viola and a violin. But in the end, it is still that instrument. That goes with a singer as well. A soprano can sing high, but sometimes, it can sing the lower stuff, like what I can do. To be honest, I feel comfortable in both alto and soprano ranges. But I'm curious on how I work with a soprano setting, considering I did not have the chance to.
Then, we worked on intervals. I messed up the first time, but thanks to Musicianship class, I learned from the song clues. The tune of NBC was a Major 6. Here comes the Bride was a Perfect 4th. I gave a slight smile to myself because I was being successful in the exercise. He also had me sing Happy Birthday in a couple keys. He started playing the cords, while I had to match the key. I messed up and instead, he said, "Okay you just start singing what you did and I'll match." So I sang it the way I first intended to. Then, he wanted me to sing Happy Birthday in a higher key. He started playing new cords then I had to match it. Thankfully, I was successful. I realized that I didn't mind singing the much, much higher notes.
Afterwards... it was sight-reading.
For the most part, I actually wasn't doing so bad. The only problem I was having was waiting long enough for the quarter rest. I was just too anxious. At the end of the audition, he gave me a deal. He told me he was going to give me a few pieces to practice during winter break. Then when we come back from break, I have to sing some of the songs in front of him. If there was evidence of practicing in my singing, I'll be accepted. If not, then gtfo.. haha Basically, I am accepted into Women's choir with probation, as I'd like to call it.
And let me tell you, I have been practicing! I have the songs stuck in my head!
After the audition, was my cello lesson. It was alright. I don't feel the need to go into great detail.
Quickly after the lesson, I had to go to my Justice meeting. I was only a couple minutes late. It had barely started and you could hear my heavy breathing from a mile away. I usually forget to breathe. It always seems like I'm on a rush. Really, I could be. Sometimes I'm not. It just depends on the moment. Most of the time, I try not to be in that rush, but I can't help myself.
I noticed on the side of the room that there were large glass vases filled with ice tea, milk, sprite, and water. A cake was inside a plastic container and there were cookies on the side. Things looked suspicious.
It turns out the cake and everything else was in celebration of my birthday. USG money was used in the making of this event. Some of your student activities fee was involved in my impromptu party in the Justice Meeting. It was nice. And I met some of the new justices. I already met Chris, who was Steve's girlfriend, and clearly his other-half. Probably my favorite Moravian couple, for sure.
Chris and Steve also got me some gifts nestled in a vibrant purple bag. It was odd things that I love. Chocolate pretzels, candy, and glow in the dark stars. You have no idea how much I love glow in the dark stars. They were everywhere in my room (until it became my sisters) and pretty soon, it'll be around Main Hall 208.
I couldn't thank them enough for such a wonderful meeting. It was pretty long too. Steve, Chris, and I were discussing the Student Trustee Elections. Since I'm the Director of Elections in USG (since I became so oddly involved with the Presidential Elections only a couple months ago), I decided to take more action under my belt. It was a long and arduous meeting, yet it was still lively at the same time.
The next day, was the 15th. Obviously.
I checked my mail. I got a $100 gift card for American Eagle from my mom. She should of just gave me the card and letter the next day (since I was due to be home the next day, but it was still a nice treat.)
Later, I got a call from Connie's Cakes telling me that a cake will be delivered to my dorm room. It was a crazy surprise but I was intrigued. Deeply intrigued.
I went outside and waited, very awkwardly. I saw Mr. Azzati leaving Brethrens and asked, "Did you practice the music yet?"
"Yeah." I pretty much had the majority of the songs already stuck in my head. Of course, I was practicing. Maybe a little too much to the point where I'm now sick of the songs, though I left that part out.
"That's good." And he crossed the street and started walking.
Then more teachers saw me waiting awkwardly at the corner. I wish I had something to do while waiting like read a book or something. Looking at my cellphone was such an old trick in the book that it seems the world already knows about it. Plus, I didn't bring my cellphone with me outside.
The minivan came. The cake was actually big. It was shaped like a cello. "I never made a cello cake before."
"No, it's fine. It's great!" I told the lady, probably Connie. She sounded rushed. Oh that feeling.
I took the cake and asked if I needed any help considering my size and the width of the cake. "I'll be fine. Thank you so much."
I went inside Main Hall and took a long overdue nap.
When I woke up, I texted all of my friends about the cake. I needed some help getting it finished, so meet me at the President's Lounge around 7-8ish.
To my astonishment, a shit load of people came. There were about 20 people in the President's Lounge. I also stole some other girls from around Main Hall whom numbers I didn't have. It was just a nice celebration. James insisted that everyone sing Happy Birthday. I didn't like the attention, so I smiled and didn't dare to look at anyone. I just started to cut the cake and asked people how big they wanted, and whether or not they wanted the F hole. There was this one guy, who was James's friend who also came. I actually didn't mind people whom I didn't know. It just means less cake for me to not waste. His name was Juan. He had some cake, spoke to me for a bit, gave me a hug and left.
Some people had to study for some finals and had to go as well. I took hold of Andrea's professional camera and decided to take a butt load of pictures. Some may even come to an upcoming post near you. So stay tuned.
With the 8 or so remaining of us, we all played Sardines, which was a revamped version of Hide and Go Seek. I don't know about you, but I LOVE kiddie games. Duck Duck Goose, Tag, Hide and go seek, you have no idea how much I'd rather play that then hang out in the mall or do something more "adult." I'm such a kid at heart, even though I sometimes may or may not act like it, depending on the scenario.
We turned off the lights in the first floor and in the basement. It was pretty darn scary, to tell you the truth being alone in the first floor in complete darkness. It was exhilarating yet still terrifying. Because Main Hall is such an old building, there is always that habitual ghost story to fly around. I can't help but think that some ghost or some scary shit might pop out. And not to mention, everyone knows that I'm easily scared so it was like a "Scare the shit out of Emmy" moment to arrive.
Thankfully, that didn't happen.
Overall, it was just a blissful night.
The next day, on the 16th, I had my "jury/audition." I wasn't sure what I really wanted in a major anymore. Because Moravian is such a small school, there wasn't like the crazy ass major, it was all just very basic stuff. Though, I have an option of designing a major, so I may take part into that.
But anyways, I only auditioned to be a music major because of the free lessons. I know, you probably might want to smack me in the face for such a stupid idea. But it was the truth. That was my dream, you know. To learn to successfully play all the instruments. It sounds kind of far-fetched, but it's something I want to do. People always told me that I should be a music teacher. Or some sort of teacher. I dimly thought about it, but I'm not sure. So music education would be a fine major, but it was too intense. I have so many interests as it is, if I have a music education major under my belt, it would just be too hard to fit more classes in. So, for my "jury/audition" it was just too cloudy. I was going into Peter Hall with no set course of action in my head. The judges didn't seem very welcoming either. I tried not to look at them, but I couldn't help it. Their faces were tired, annoyed, and they all just wanted to leave. I was the last person to perform. My teacher didn't fill me in on the fact that we had to photocopy our piece and put the measures on top of it. I felt stupid. And you could see how the director of the music department felt the same way, of my haphazard stupidity.
Overall, it wasn't successful, even though my cello teacher told me otherwise. I was told that I could "re-audition" and I'm thinking about it. Only to prove that the piece I played was not a fair judgment on my talents because my teacher chose the piece for me, while everyone else could choose their own piece of their liking. I just wanted to re-audition to show them that I'm actually a good cellist and tell them... no. It's sort of a facetious way of doing things, but hey, I always get the last laugh. And I have no means of stopping that way anytime soon.
Four days in my Winter break, I have some tasks that I need to do. I have to remove the music classes in my schedule, which is actually a relief to me. I didn't feel right scheduling those crazy music classes anyways. I guess I'm not into the technological stuff of the music world. Give me the passion, the drama, the politics, the history of music. Then we'll talk. For now, let me explore new things.
I've also realized that I love being alone. I'm not like a loner or anything. But I love to be in solitude. I thought about what if I didn't fall hopelessly in love. I wondered where I'd be right now. If I'd be in the same college, the same state, in the same country. I realized no. My goal was to be away from Stroudsburg. Although I am 45 minutes away, that was not my intention at all. I think I've changed a lot after falling in love. I sort of wish I was back to the way it was, more than 2 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I love BH, but maybe I was just in the wrong place in the wrong time. Then again, I'm not sure if I want to change anything right now. I love him and I don’t want to be away from him, although it kills me at the same time. I get upset over the littlest things, things that would normally be minimal to me before. I changed so much, it kind of scares me.
I guess I'm in the position now where I just need to figure out what is best for me, not anyone else. Yet, I don't want to be that kind of person who is just focused on myself and my dreams. I want to help other people too, like my sister and my grandmas. I just wanted to be that person that I’ve always dream of becoming. But I just have love that fell right in my way and it won’t cease at all. I still need to figure it all out and find who I really 'am.
I guess my world is just too complicated to really give an exact answer. An exact path. An exact destiny.
**In case you were wondering, it took me two days to write this blog. And I'm still finding out, thanks to this winter break, that my brother will always have extreme anger problems.