My car ride to New York was a complete blur. With all the problems that have been surfacing home, have come and followed me to New York, the City that never sleeps. I couldn't think about anything else.
I tried reading "Twilight" but I didn't have the power to. It wasn't because I was lazy, I just couldn't get the problems off my mind. So, I blasted Paramore during the ride here and it sort of helped. I tried listening to all their lyrics and the meaning behind their songs. Somehow, it helped me forget what was happening at Stroudsburg. And oddly enough, I could relate to their songs. Their pain about love, how their curiosity got the best of them, how they dread being away from the person they love, it all comes back to my problems. Also, by listening to their songs, I've got to recognize their problems the songs were facing. I guess being in the presence of someone else's pain makes me see how people survive their own pain, how they do it all. Maybe we can learn from them.
I've come to the realization that I am one crazy mother fucker after falling intensely in love. I think I mentioned this in an earlier post, but when I saw the Simpsons episode where Homer said, "Love makes you do crazy things." I never really understood it. Clearly, I wasn't in love at the time. I was about 13 at the time, certainly unaware the sudden impact love can do to a person. Now, I've seen it first hand.
It makes me sad that I'm acting like this. I shouldn't. But I feel that the reasons why I'm acting like this are adequate. I'm normally not mean.. to ANYONE. But I've become bitter to BH and the Mooch. It seems that there is always a failure to communicate between us and it just dies. This cirlce never ends. As it gets good, somehow it gets worse. Sometimes, I don't know what to do. It's not anyone's fault that I'm acting so rude to him. Maybe it is, maybe it's the sensitivity that I have, I don't know. I wish I wasn't like this. I guess I'm just head over heels in love that I've become some bitter idiot.
I want to escape to Central Park right now. Depsite the rain.
I'm going to get changed in my rain gear...haha
