I get it. God, you have risen on this Easter Sunday to do one thing: to make me immensely miserable. And you know, I have to give it to ya because you are doing a WONDERFUL job at it! Damn, you could win an award with your endeavors!
The world, as it stands are against me. I could feel it. From where I could dimly hear tenacious shouting at 830 Park to the never ending comments made by my already-too-fucked up brother who is hungry for anything he could get his hands on. Even people whom I didn't even know who could scream things about me is already stating that they don't care if I'm scared of them or not.
Maybe I shouldn't be so optimistic about others and constantly try to find the good in the them.....
Because, quite frankly, they now probably have this innate vibe in them that all I want is to fuck around and cause trouble.
It's not fair. I wish I could defend myself - but I've realized that people could/will cling to their delusions. Some world.
I don't know what to do. I don't think I'm really that misunderstood. I didn't want to cause harm to anyone - yet my "actions" have already succumbed to fierce arguments here and there. I didn't want a whole lot of people finding out what has happened to me. I knew something like this was going to happen. All these fingers are being pointed at me, and it shouldn't.
They probably think I'm some bitch. Well you know, I may seem like that, but I'm not. The bottom line is that I had a feeling, a feeling that you two hated me from the start. That's why I cautioned by ways I acted toward you two. Just to let you know. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding you two like you are to me.
It seems as if I don't have anyone to run to - nobody to cry to. They'd all just stare at me and want to take revenge on me. If only they knew the full circumference of the story. The story is just too hard for me to speak about because it's just so damaging. I want to scream on top of my lungs about it, but they'd kill me for it. But if you really want to know what happened - ask me. Go ahead.
I don't understand why I'm viewed as this criminal. Why do people judge me even if they don't know me? I'm already too speechless for words. Words can't describe the sadness and the utter aggravation that has encompassed my body. I love my boyfriend. Why should they say shout and say those nasty comments about me? Because I have a boyfriend, does that mean I can't hang out with anyone else? I don't get the logic in that. It's called trust. We have that.
I don't even know if there's anyone out there to save me...
Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places.
Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.-- Bob Marley
^Seriously.
AND STOP GIVING MY GRANDMA HELL! ARGH!
Rather give me all of her troubles and past them on to me! I can't stop seeing her suffer like this.
